the addictive addiction

Can you believe that I sometimes find myself deliberately trying to create a desire for something (sex, for example), just to have that feeling of an unfulfilled desire? Isn't it really fascinating how deep these structures are branded inside your mind, that you even miss the addiction itself? So I really need to push further on these points, even if those patterns have been stopped for a long time, it is not done yet, it takes more than determination.